Thursday, January 13, 2011
It has been approximately two and a half years since I last wrote here. Looking back at what I’ve written, I can’t get over how much I made of what I would now consider to be small events. I mention MySpace (one for some of the older kids reading). I have entries on there from 2004, that’s almost seven years ago. I feel so much has changed, yet I’m not really any wise. I do, however, cringe at some of the things that I wrote. I reveled in the nightlife and how I’d be on guest lists. It’s a surprise I even remembered any events to write about. But I did. And those were real things that really happened to me.
So where am I now? I’m with degree (BA Hons) and still living in Leeds with my three best mates. I work for a major mobile communications company trying to recover debt from customers. Jaime, Ella and Lyndsay are all distant memories, with only occasional Facebook messages and BBM’s. And what about the other girl that was in my life? The will-they-won’t-they dynamic I had with Faye. Well, she’s still in my life. And we are still will-they-won’t-they.
Last you heard she was dating a new guy after leading me on. Well, they stopped seeing each other after several weeks and when she returned to Leeds we barely saw each other. We’ve seen each on-and-off since, never really committing to anything. I still can’t help but wonder: what the fuck is going on?
One drunken night at a mutual friends birthday I declared my love, and to be fair to Faye, she took it on the chin and we still joke about it to this day.
After a period of maybe four or five months of no contact, I decided ‘enough is enough’ and we began talking again, almost daily now for two or three weeks. It was almost as if not having a New Years kiss spurred me on. That’s not to say the only reason I’m making any sort of effort is because I was sad I didn’t have a New Years kiss, except with two of my housemates which was totally bromosexual. I think I’ve just kicked my arse into gear, a new year and no longer afraid. We’ve been making plans, discussing our days and reliving old memories. We had planned a road trip to the seaside as our first ‘official’ date, but that was postponed as she has had to move house ASAP because her friend split up with her boyfriend who’s Dad just so happens to own the house they live in. Being the strong man I am, I said I’d help move boxes in return for a cup of tea. Cheeky.
What I’ve realized looking back is how I have completely changed, yet I’m exactly the same. I think the word is: older. I’m so much more ready to get into a relationship now than I ever have been in my whole entire life. Every time I’m with Faye I find my old emotions flooding back, and they’ve never felt so real or current. I find myself, as sad as this is, waiting by the phone for her to call or text. Maybe we’re both ready to take the leap of faith that is so definitely overdue.
I’ll keep you updated.