"Too Lost In You"

After several days of waiting for THAT text from Jaime, and still without THAT text from Jaime, I decided to join Haley and Brooke Carmientti, along with Brooke’s boyfriend and an old friend Tanya in Sunderland to see them all before heading back down south, or at least what I considered down south, to Leeds. Haley would be joining me in Leeds, but we still had good nights out together.

Innfusion was our first stop of the night and with it was semi-busy. There were a few familiar faces, and a lot more not familiar faces, but the trebles were cheap so I was game. Dancing on the table with Brooke ensued as the trebles disappeared and before I knew it we were off to The Black Bull for cheap drinks and dance music.

“Tanya! Let’s get a fish bowl!” I shouted to her over the beats of DJ Alex.

“Sex on the beach, Noah!” I received the message loud and clear.

Several days later I met Haley in town and we went for Starbucks, and even with the copious amounts of alcohol probably still in my system, I was still on my health kick.

“Grande Citron Tea please. To sit in.”

So, over my Citron Tea and her English Breakfast Tea, we discussed that night’s events.

“That fishbowl? Tanya didn’t even drink it. I had like three quarters of it and was absolutely fucked. I cannot even remember getting to Liquid, nor do I know why they actually let me in.”

“Well we saw you in there, and then you went missing.”

“I remember getting another drink in there. Then I lost everybody so I went outside to phone people.”

“Ohhh, ok.”

“Yeah. Then I remember ringing Jaime.”

Haley raised an eyebrow. “Really Noah? Drunk dialling? It’s never a good idea.”

“Well you can say that because you don’t drink. Anyway, I really don’t even remember what we spoke about. Apparently though, she was laughing at me, because I kept saying ‘intense’ and ‘no way man’.” I didn’t say this to Haley, because she and Jaime are quite close, but even though I don’t remember what we spoke about, I just remember it feeling so good to hear her voice again. I had to ask: what did this mean? There were so many questions running through my head about Jaime. It all felt so familiar. When was I going to admit that I loved her?

“You won’t believe who’s calling me right now.” She said, sipping her tea.

“Are you kidding me?” I said, in shock.

“Hi Jaime. How are you? Yeah I can talk. I’m just in Starbucks...with Noah.” There was a pause. “Ok ring me tonight. Bye. Yeah, she couldn’t talk once she knew you were here. So I wonder what it’s about.” She said, smirking and raising her eyebrow.

“Oh, be quiet.”

“So where exactly did you go after you left Liquid then?” Haley asked.

“I was lost...in the city...on my own. Can you believe that? Sunderland is hardly the safest place to be lost at night in. Even with the police presence, it’s still pretty scary. But I was gone. I don’t remember a thing. Oh wait, I remember climbing into a taxi, and thinking I was going to be sick. And the taxi driver pulled over and started shouting at me...something about an Indian wedding in the morning and I couldn’t possibly be sick in his cab.” There was a comfortable moment of silence as I scanned the room, like I usually do. “You know what?”

“What Noah?” Hayley replied, in the way that she always does. Almost as if she’s sick of me, even though I know she isn’t.

“In some crazy philosophical world, me being lost on Thursday night would be some great metaphor of me being lost in love with Jaime. Like, her love is confusing and I need to find it to get on.”

“Yeah, that’s flipping crazy alright. You sure you’re not just over thinking it?” Hayley always thought I was over thinking things, such as the wink at the end of a text message, or a certain glance someone may give me.

I left Hayley, telling her that I was going to miss my bus. Instead, I wandered down to the Quayside in Newcastle. It was one of the few sights of home that I missed. It was where Jaime and I had gone on our first date. It’s a place Madeline and I always visit during our catch up sessions. It is where I took Elle after we’d broken up. We spent the full day together after we officially ended, and it was nice. I looked around, and even in the chilly air or January, it hadn’t changed. The views. The people. It was exactly how I remembered. Then I had the urge to talk to Jaime. It was a shame I got the feeling she didn’t want to talk to me.

"New Year, New Drama"

Christmas came and went with very little drama, but this year, I was determined to make New Year a blast. After making plans, cancelling plans, and making more plans, I decided I’d best spend it with family – the people you can always count on. Too many self-made cocktails later, I was ringing in the New Year with a Christmas wreath as a hat, making myself first foot.

Several days, and several hefty hangovers later, I was invited for another night out in Newcastle.

“I really shouldn’t go,” I told Kiri over the phone, “I mean, not only is my bank balance seriously suffering, but I think my health is too!”

“Are you kidding? How many times have you been out?” She asked.

“Is it bad that I can’t remember?”

After some gentle persuasion on Kiri’s part and some heavy cravings for a bit of a party on my part, I was off out into Newcastle. Already the night had started rocky.

“Aren’t Haley and Brooke coming?” I asked, referring to the Carmientti twins, who knew a good night out.

“No, apparently Brooke is down, and Haley wants to try and cheer her up.” It was no secret that there’d been tension between Haley and Brooke, and Kiri and Samantha ever since their “girly holiday” to Zante ended with arguments over whether to sight see the Old Town or shop in the New Town, “where the shops are actually open.”

Fifth wheeling tonight, I thought to myself, thanks twins! Since the feeling of fifth wheeling isn’t exactly pleasant, I thought several red bulls might numb the awkwardness...OK, several vodka red bulls...OK, OK, several double vodka red bulls. Several turned into a number, and a number turned into me being really drunk. Alas, me being really drunk turned into dancing on podiums with random strangers while Kiri, Samantha, and their boyfriends, looked on, and of course, the obligatory drunk dial/text.

“In my defence, Jaime started it.” I told Kayla, as if I needed a defence. “She texted me saying that she couldn’t stop thinking about me. And it would be rude to not reply, would it not?”

A Caesar Salad, and a glass of water, due to my health binge, later, I was still recounting the tale of my drunken text spree to Kayla, who like me, is romantically confused.

“Well, then I thought it would be a great idea to quote One Tree Hill, but come on, when is it ever a great idea to quote a TV Show, let alone One Tree Hill?”

“What did you say to her?”

“Haha in my drunken stupor, I thought it was romantic but don’t judge me. I texted her saying ‘I’m the guy for you Jaime Green.’ Well after that several more texts were passed back and forth and then I fell asleep in bed.”

“Noah, you can’t just fall asleep on what could be the love of your life you know.”

“I’m sorry.” I said, smirking.

“Well what did she think to your little quote?”

“She thought it was cute, but she was drunk too so...”

That night I received a text message.

J: Are we just gonna pretend we didn’t text what we did then?
N: That could work for me. I get shy when I talk about my emotions.
J: Well, what do you want to do?
N: Well, I think we should go for it.
J: What happens if it doesn’t live up to all this hype that everyone’s built up.
N: Fuck everyone else Jaime, this is us, I know it can work. We can make it happen.
J: Do you want to come to Lancaster sometime, you know, to see if it can work?
D: I was thinking that. Great minds.
J: How about next weekend?
D: I kind of already have plans with my friends from home who I never get to see. Sorry! But don’t take this as a sign. This is not a sign.
J: Bad start already. Well I’ll text you.

Uh-oh, not good, I thought to myself. But I simply couldn’t ditch my friends for the potential love of my life, or could I? It would go against everything I believe and everything I’ve preached, but I guess this is what love feels like. Then there it was, the question I’d always dreaded. I may have dreaded it, but I couldn’t help but ask: so this is what love feels like?

Wait, what?!?!...was I in love?