"Valentines, Shamlentines"

It has been said that you should follow your gut instincts and I do try to do that. After getting the feeling that Jaime hadn't really been willing to talk to me, with little to no contact since our vague plans of me going to stay with her, my hope was renewed when I was made aware that she'd written on my wall (not my actual wall, Facebook of course.)

"And how's Noah doing? I hope you're well. xx"

Nice, friendly, and polite. Good stuff. Slowly working my way back, I thought to myself. I'd later ask myself the question all guys want to know the answer to, or at least be given a clue towards: why are women so confusing?

I hadn't had much time to think about Jaime with my mother's birthday fast approaching and trying to organise my travel arrangements home, so I half heartedly kept returning her comments.

After travelling home with a not-so-well known CBBC TV presenter, via train, bus and another train thanks to overhead cables fucking me over, I got home three hours later than planned. Just in time to celebrate my mother's birthday, she cracked open a bottle of bubbly. What a lovely homecoming, or so I thought.

"I have this little theory," I once told my new friend Glynn, "that every time I come home something always goes wrong. Friends have changed. I've changed. Travelling is a nightmare. Something tends to go wrong, and I'm never sure whether I'm just over thinking it or whether that's just my luck." Since Ben’s departure, since which I hadn’t spoken to him, Glynn had fast become a good friend of mine.

After a good night’s sleep, which was desperately needed, I woke up to news I’d sort of expected, but still didn’t want to hear.

“Noah!! I have gossip for you. Text me back and I’ll ring you. Haley x”

Oh great, Valentine’s Day and I’m about to hear something about two people I probably don’t care about and how they hooked up and it was hot, I thought to myself. I was totally unaware of what I was about to hear.

“Noah. You won’t believe who has a boyfriend.” Haley spat at me.

“So you and that guy you live next door and have shared the lift with for months are finally going out?”

“Don’t be stupid. You know I’m still completely in love with J.”

“Jeez. Are you kidding me? Anyway, go on; tell me the big news...” There was a pause, almost as if Haley was rethinking whether she should tell me.

“Well,” another pause, then a slight giggle, “it’s Jaime! With a guy called Rory.” I was gutted. My stomach felt like it had been pulled out.

I quickly retorted like that famous character Lauren from The Catherine Tate Show, “Well, am I even bothered? No.”

“Well Noah, you do sound kind of bothered.” Was she fucking surprised? This wasn’t the first time she’d broken news about Jaime to me (i.e. the time she told me about Miguel when I was out to celebrate.)

“Well, I’m not. So you can report back to Jaime and tell her that I don’t fucking care what she does. I just hope she’s happy.” Click.

So I ended up spending Valentine’s Day with my mother, sweet yes? The catch? We went to a funeral. My next door neighbour’s father, who was very old, passed away, and I offered to stay another day and go to the funeral. I have to admit, I did have an ulterior motive. I’d heard one of my childhood sweethearts would be there. And who isn’t curious to see their childhood sweethearts again? Back then she was blonde, blue eyes, bubbly, and reminded me so much of one of the Olsen twins. So suffice to say, although it was sad day, I was anxious/curious/interested (delete applicable) to seeing what she was like some years later.

As my mum and I walked up the steps to the church, when the congregation were waiting outside, I spotted the childhood sweetheart. She was a brunette. A still looked as lovely as before when she was blonde. We smiled at each other, with the look of recognition, as she registered who I was, cross her face. I heard her whisper to her older sister, “He looks so different.” I smirked. Then remembered I was at a funeral.

“I always find churches a great place for eye candy.” I told my flatmate A over one Starbucks too many. “I think it’s the whole forbidden love thing that makes it great. I remember once at one of my cousin’s Christenings I spotted the cutest girl I’ve seen in a while, she had that Spanish vibe going on, and you know I’m all over foreign girls.” I said, referring to the girl from the Czech Republic I’d kissed a couple of nights before on one of many nights out. “And for the rest of the service, I couldn’t stop thinking about this sweet, Church girl, who looked about 18 or 19. And she even helped out with the Sunday school.”

After the funeral service, my mum and I left and I gave a polite smile to the childhood sweetheart as she passed on her way to the burial in my neighbour’s car. She smiled back, looking shy.

“She looks so different,” my Mum said on the way back home in the car.

“Yeah...different.”

"Taking The Leeds"

“I am in Leeds.” I thought to myself, after unpacking my belongings and setting out on a walk with my new flatmates Christian and Alison. We walked for five minutes until we were in the main shopping area of Leeds. “I can’t believe I’m here.” I was right. I had made it. It was a fresh start.

A week of hard partying later, including several make out sessions with random girls I don’t remember the names of, “yes, that’s how I roll” I later joked with my flatmate Christian, I decided to take it easy. It had all caught up with me, and I needed to save money. So, in an attempt to do so, I threw myself into my work. I caught up with reading I’d fallen behind with and I began reviewing albums in hope of getting some work. I’d been told NME would give you £2-per-word. I could deal with that.

“I’m sick of staying in.” I told Danny over the phone. “I just want to go and explore, meet new girls, keep on looking, you know? What’s going on in Newcastle?”

“To be honest mate, you’re not missing much at home. It’s pretty stale, like nothing’s changed.”

“Well, next weekend I’ll be home for Kayla’s birthday, so that could be exciting.”

“Yeah, it could be. Just don’t get your hopes up.”

“Um...ok.” That was strange. “Well, my kettle is boiling, yes my kettle. Jeez. I’m like an old person now.” I hung up. What did he mean by that? Maybe he was just looking out for me I thought to myself.

One night, a few days later, several of my flatmates and me went to Gatecrasher. Pre-Gatecrasher, in my money-saving mode, I’d bought a bottle of red wine for £3 and thought it would be a brilliant idea for me to drink it before leaving.

Picture this: a dark room, too many glasses of red wine, followed by too many shorts of vodka.

“There was lots of kissing, some body shots; add a little dirty talk, and wallah, that was my night.” I told Danny the following day, missing an appointment because I was too busy nursing a hangover. “I just remember me taking a drink from my glass and her whispering to me: ‘Stop it! It’s not fair! You’re making me so horny!’ I was just like ‘um...thanks!’”

“Then what did you do?”

“Took another sip, and she told me to ‘Stop it!’...again! Girls down here sure are a lot more forward than in Newcastle, which is completely not what I expected. I had to ask: could I use this to my advantage?

Across the city, a few nights later, my new friends and I were in Halo. It was a church that had been converted into a nightclub, which must have clearly caused strict Christian groups to cry out “blasphemy.” Anyway, it was in Halo that I was introduced to Faye. At first I noticed her confidence more than anything. She wasn’t a slut, but knew how to work it on the dance floor. She had that sexy thing going on. We flirted with each other, and I felt ‘the spark’. It can’t be described, but you know it when you feel it.

That night I got home and I thought. I wondered if the girls in Leeds were more forward because they knew what they want. They took the lead, and got what they wanted, when they wanted. But if women could do it, why couldn’t I? Maybe I should take the lead, then that way I won’t have situations that reflect what happened with Kaci, my best friend dating her before I did, and Jaime, having Miguel think he felt more for her than I did.

"Someday We'll Know - Part Two"

Someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain. Someday we’ll know why the sky is blue. Someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you.

“Oh great, Kiri is by herself.” I told Skye, whilst in my head debating whether I should go back – not only wanting to save Kiri but to have things out with Jaime, to find out where I stood, truthfully. “Aidan, stop the car! I'm getting out!” It was all quite dramatic.

“No Noah, you’re staying. You can’t go back by yourself.” Skye insisted.

“Kiri’s by herself. I'm not going back to see Jaime. Why would I want to? She’ll probably just hurt me more.” I lied again. Well sort of. Part of me was going back to see Jaime, even though I knew that it would probably hurt me more.

Aidan pulled over and I jumped out. I ran back to StoneLove @ Digital where we had been and went back in. I look all over for Jaime and Kiri. I couldn’t see them anywhere. I looked for Madeline but also couldn’t see her.

“Great!” I thought to myself. “No good deed truly does go unpunished.”

I left StoneLove and went into The Other Rooms, which is next door. There Kiri was, sat with the Carmientti twins.

“I'm so sorry I told you that. I just didn’t want to see you be made a fool of.” Hayley gushed.

“It’s alright. I’d rather know now than when I got into a relationship with her.” Another lie. It wasn’t all right. It was almost as if she told me, not expecting it to effect me. I just couldn’t help but feel I might have been over-exaggerating, something confirmed by Brooke, who told me to “get over it. You two go on about stuff but you never do anything about it.” To which I told her to, quite bluntly, “shut the fuck up.”

I decided that I needed to speak to Jaime. I texted her, after seeing several missed calls from her, and said: “I got out of the car. Where are you? I think we need to speak.”

After what felt like an hour of waiting for a reply, I made my way to the taxi rank with Kiri. It was good just to forget about the situation and talk about our future, especially with Kiri since our views on stuff are quite similar. And as the taxi made its way over the Tyne Bridge, with the Quayside lit up the way it was, I couldn’t help but feel a little cathartic. Talk of the future, that nights events with Jaime, and just knowing I’d been anonymous in a new city – it made me feel like I was ready to move on.

Was it this that would make it easier for me to move on? What was it that made me know that I'm ready to start again? It was an interesting thought.

The next morning, or should I say afternoon, Madeline and I went into the city and had a late, late breakfast; and over my pancakes with syrup and waffles and syrup, I told her about the events of the night before. Surrounded by Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean memorabilia, Madeline nodded, and was supportive, which is what I felt I needed more than anything. It was then that I had a thought: I was really going to miss these random trips into the city. Everytime we saw each other was like a catch-up, but it felt as though we’d never been apart. Would things change after I leave?

As I settled down for an early night, I just couldn’t help but think that someday I’ll know why these things happen - if love can move a mountain, why the sky is blue, and why I wasn’t meant for you.

"Someday We'll Know - Part One"

Another night, and it was another celebration. I’d found out that my planned move to Leeds for university was successful and I was leaving September 22nd. So, I gathered a group of my friends, who were also celebrating, and we headed into the city to toast the future.

I had met up with Skye and her boyfriend/might as well be fiancé Aidan. Aidan was driving so Skye and I slowly got drunker and drunker, opting for cocktails. After drinking several Cosmopolitans, followed by a Mango Margarita, I had successfully persuaded Skye to leave Aidan for the night and spend a night on the town with me.

“Noah I'm scared. This is my first time out ever without Aidan.” She confessed to me as we walked to the next bar.

“Don’t worry. You’re in safe hands. I'm a veteran.” I reassured her. To her credit, it must have been nerve wracking, especially since Aidan was almost like her security blanket. After arriving at the next bar and meeting and introducing more friends to Skye, I texted Madeline. “We have a breakthrough! Skye is out without Aidan!! See you later! XX”

As more drinks flowed, so did my emotions. It was then I saw Jaime. Since our night at her house where things got hot and heavy, we’d barely spoken, with the exception of a text here and there. We’d both been busy and we both have lives. Sometimes that just happens, I told myself. My friend Lauren had visited from London so Ashley and I had spent from Friday to Tuesday entertaining her and showing her the sights and sounds of the North East of England. We’d played football in the park, rented movies, been the beach. It was a good weekend. So when I saw her, it felt good. I asked her where she was heading after the current bar, Huxters.

“I'm not sure, probably just see where everyone else heads too.”

“Well, I’ll be at StoneLove at Digital, so yeah, look for me if you go there.”

We kissed goodbye and my friends and I moved onto StoneLove. There we met up Madeline, her boyfriend Adam, and their friends Curry and Lucy. Lucy was a fashion designer/photographer, whose style was reminiscent of the ‘bohemian chic’ Mary-Kate Olsen, and Curry was her roommate who worked with Adam. Both nice, warm and friendly…but that could have been the poppers.

It is said that the truth is sometimes only told when you’re under the influence, but what excuse do the sober people have? It was after the Jack Daniels, but before the Absolut, that Hayley Carmientti told me the truth about Jaime.

Standing at the bar, having just ordered an Absolut & Coke, Hayley walked over to me.

“Oh yeah, Jaime was going to sleep with Miguel on Tuesday. The only thing that stopped her was that they didn’t have any condoms.”

How was I meant to process this information? Was I thankful for Hayley telling me? She later said that she only told me because she didn’t want me to be made a fool of. But thanks to her telling me, I had all sorts of questions running through my head.

I later asked Ashley whether I was over-reacting, to which she replied: “No, fair enough you aren’t technically together, but you just don’t do that if you’re, you know, in the process.” Good answer.

“You know what Hayley, I don’t need this.” I grabbed my drink, Skye and Madeline and headed to the dance floor. I joined Madeline for a cigarette outside, choosing to passively smoke, knowing she wouldn’t encourage my social smoking.

“Noah, please cheer up. I know this has happened, but don’t let it ruin your night.” She told me. It was true, this summer had been one of the best of my lives – I was successful in everything I tried. I had been so lucky! And I know Madeline, probably more than anyone, was the most proud of me.

“It’s not that. I won’t,” I lied. “I'm just so fucking hungry.”

The clock struck one and I walked Skye to Aidan’s car. “Fuck this. I'm going home. I'm not going to enjoy myself.” I climbed into Aidan’s car, and while doing so, I finally got service on my phone, and a flood of text messages came in.

Jaime – “Where are you? I'm coming now. XX” She obviously hadn’t received my obligatory ‘thanks for ruining my night!’ text. I replied telling her I was in the car, going home after a shit night out.

Kiri – “Please don’t leave me. Samantha and her boyfriend have left me by myself. Where are you?”

I thought to myself ‘oh great, not only is Jaime on her way, but I’ve abandoned Kiri and she’s on her own’. What a great night this was shaping up to be…